10 Superheroes Who Will Never Score a Movie Deal

What's This?

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

By Max Knoblauch2014-01-23 11:17:16 UTC

Take a look at the blockbuster movie lineup for the next year or two. You'll notice a recurring theme: superheroes.

Don't believe us? Coming soon to a theater near you: The X-men , The Avengers , The Guardians of the Galaxy — hell, even Robocop is getting his day at the box office.

See also: The 8 Most Common Video Game Characters

Here at Mashable, we like to consider ourselves go-getters. That's why we've been pitching superhero flicks to every film studio that will meet with us, hoping to cash in on the superhero cow before it's too late.

Unfortunately, the response to our pitching has been, for the most part, overwhelmingly negative. In a last ditch effort to throw our hat in the ring, we've included 10 solid superheroes we're trying to get on the big screen.

Marvel, call us.

1. Praying Mantis Man

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

Like Spiderman, Praying Mantis Man was bitten by a radioactive bug. Unlike Spiderman, his bite didn't give him any notable superpowers besides rubbing his creepy hands together and fighting a strong desire to eat family members.

2. The Mole

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

Similar to a young Bruce Wayne, Mitch Douglas fell into a cave as a small boy and developed a crippling fear of the animal he found there. Unlike Batman, Mitch's animal — the common mole — is a pretty ineffective symbol for crime fighters. As a result, Mitch has very poor eyesight and is only a threat to criminals if they happen to be committing crime in or around his burrow in the early morning hours.

3. Yttrium Girl

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

You've probably heard of Magneto, the X-men villain who can control metals. Well, get acquainted with Yttrium Girl! She has the ability to control — well — Yttrium. Perhaps, in hindsight, her power is a bit too niche.

4. The Animal Communicator

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

With the ability to read the minds of animals, the aptly named "Animal Communicator" gets an inside scoop of crime from an animal's perspective. Unfortunately, most animals don't really give a crap.

5. The Inebriator

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

Though he's pretty evenly matched with the Man of Steel as far as powers go, The Inebriator only gains his abilities when thoroughly drunk, rendering himself pretty useless indeed.

6. Encyclopaedio

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

He's not a genius, he just has a very generalized knowledge about most things.

7. EverBeard

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

Look, up in the sky — it's a bird, it's a plane, it's a strange man with a ridiculous amount of facial hair! EverBeard fights crime through the mean streets of Brooklyn, delivering vigilante justice with his prehensile whiskers.

8. The Compass

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

As it turns out, "just knowing what direction he's pointing is not sufficient for a $80 million film."

Whatever, your loss.

9. The LaserPointer

Like Superman, his eyes emit laser beams. Unlike Superman, his laser is extremely low-powered and mostly just useful for business presentations and cat exercises.

10. Aquaman

Image: Mashable, Bob Al-Greene

We had to.

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Topics: Comics, Entertainment, Film, humor, illustrations, Marvel, Pics, Superheroes, Television, Work & Play