The 10 Most Disturbing Things About 'Kim Kardashian: Hollywood'

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Image: Mashable Composite Glu Games Inc.

By Max Knoblauch2014-07-24 00:30:26 UTC

My name is Max Kardashian, and I am so much more famous than you. Well, at least in Kim Kardashian's mobile game.

If the game achieves its projected yearly earnings, Kim Kardashian will make 85 million dollars in profits, a sum that would cost you more than $48,500 of real money to purchase as in-game money.

See also: We Played 'Kim Kardashian: Hollywood' So You Don't Have To

After having lived and breathed in the Kim Kardashian: Hollywood universe for several days, a few disturbing details have come to light. The world of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood isn't the world you and I live our daily lives in. It's some kind of darkest timeline future, in which photo shoots and Twitter feuds decide your success in life.

We've compiled ten of the weirdest things about the game below.

1. The Kardashian family name sits upon Mount Lee, having apparently taken the place of the iconic Hollywood sign.

Image: Screenshot Glu Games Inc

Remember in the first Planet of the Apes film, when Charlton Heston discovers the fallen Statue of Liberty? It's like that.

2. There are zero unattractive people.

What happened to all of the homely people in this universe? Where are they being held?

3. It exists in some dystopian future in which you need to be of a certain social standing to travel to cities.

As you level up, new cities open to you. So, what, we couldn't enter them before? Who is policing the borders? How are these laws enforced?

4. You have to compliment Kim Kardashian and give her free clothes.

Image: Screenshot Glu Games Inc

Conversations with the in-game Kim don't come with many options. You can either compliment her or, well, turn the game off, I guess.

5. Dating is a social construct that exists only to gain you more fans.

Works like a charm too, assuming you can stand your significant other, who constantly berates your outfits.

6. Money can buy you happiness. Also dates, success and things.

Throw all of your archaic ideas about relationships and hard work out the window. They no longer matter.

7. In this future, there are bracelets that cost in upwards of $300.

Image: Screenshot Glu Games Inc

The value of a dollar has depreciated to a jarring degree.

8. But flights between Miami and Los Angeles are $15.

Imagine the airspace. Imagine.

9. When it comes to your career, parties > working.

Going to parties is always more beneficial. Can't network or flirt at the office, right?

10. Having charm in your personality and knowing Kim Kardashian are equal things.

Who needs a personality these days anyway?

BONUS: Let's Play Kim Kardashian: Hollywood

Topics: Apps and Software, Gaming, humor, kim kardashian, kim kardashian hollywood, mobile gaming, Watercooler, Work & Play