You Can't Swim With Us! 10 Most Popular Sharks on the Web

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By Max Knoblauch2013-08-06 16:48:34 UTC

It's early August, and that can only mean one thing: sharks are killing stuff on basic cable again.

The Discovery Channel's mega hit, Shark Week has kicked off to record-breaking numbers thus far, nabbing the highest ratings and largest viewership totals in the program's 26-year history.

See also: 6 Shark Myths Solved to Keep You Safe This Summer

Of course, the story doesn't end with the television screen. The web is awash with all things shark-related in response to the blockbuster shark programming.

To help break down this online shark phenomenon, we've gathered the top 10 shark Yahoo searches of the past 30 days. The results, as it were, show the battle for ocean supremacy doesn't differ all that much from your typical high school popularity contest.

1. Great White Shark

Image: tumblr, Hello-sweet-tea

No surprise here. Great whites are clearly the catty popular girls of the sea. They have the movie star good looks, the instant recognition and the gorgeous set of pearly whites that they "totally have never gotten bleached."

Great whites have been known to occasionally travel in packs of two to six, probably saying things like "On Wednesdays we eat porpoise," and whispering about your color coordination behind your back.

Image: imgur, smanthakm9

Get out of here with your negativity, Great whites. Nobody needs that.

2. Goblin Shark

Image: Youtube, DeepSeaCreaturesWeb

The Goblin shark is a bit like '80s bad boy Judd Nelson. He's kind of weird-looking and just hangs out by himself in the deep ocean, probably brooding over his relationship with his father. Oddly enough, this makes goblin shark irresistibly charming.

3. Whale Shark

Image: Youtube, ViralGlobalNews

The Whale shark hasn't been invited to a party in years, because all he does is eat your food and sigh. Whale sharks are slow-moving filter feeders who always refuse to run the mile.

4. Bull Shark

Image: tumblr, Coastal Dreamin'

As one of the most aggressive shark species, the bull shark is responsible for quite a few human attacks. Bull sharks are reckless drivers and are frequently ejected for getting too competitive during gym class floor hockey.

5. Hammerhead Shark

Image: Taringa.net

Hammerheads probably know a bunch of street names for narcotics. They eat a lot of mushrooms, yet still perform much better than you on calc tests. Hammerheads will probably be found under the bleachers, bumming cigarettes off middleschoolers.

6. Leopard Shark

Image: Flickr, eviltomthai

Leopard sharks only made this list because they searched for themselves. They travel in groups, have sat at the same lunch table for four years and speak entirely in inside jokes.

7. Sand Shark

Image: sodahead.com

Wasn't the sand shark a senior when your older brother was a freshman six years ago? What's he still doing here?

8. Mako Shark

Image: tumblr, trynottodrown

The Mako is the fastest species of shark, hitting speeds up to 46 miles an hour. He's low on this list because he isn't all that pleasing to look at. It's not the Mako's fault he's so gap-toothed.

9. Ghost Shark

The ghost shark isn't a shark at all. It's SyFy's next summer shark film, following its smash-hit, Sharknado. Doesn't it look...good?

10. Greenland Shark

Image: Youtube, BlueWorldTV

If you're confused as to why the greenland shark landed all the way at the bottom of this list, we'd suggest looking at it. Still confused? Look at it one more time. It's like a less enthusiastic version of a boulder.

Image: Flickr, Bring on the Photog

Topics: animals, Conversations, humor, Shark Week, sharks, Television, Watercooler, web culture