When 'Facebook Official' Isn't Enough

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By Stephanie Buck2013-08-04 22:15:59 UTC

It looks like any other Instagram account. A foamy, pink cupcake perches on the corner of a delicate saucer. A pair of pedicured toes peeks over a bright swimming pool. A spray of mist shoots over the crest of Niagara Falls.

Even the profile picture appears typical: two tan, sunglassed faces smile from a bench, inviting you to browse a feed full of adventure, color and intimacy.

But it isn't like most of the social media accounts out there: this Instagram profile represents a pair of people.

Caroline and Josh Eaton, a personal trainer and a consultant, respectively, left their jobs in January 2012 to embark on a year's worth of world travel, which they have since extended into 2013. They call it "vagabonding," a term coined by author Rolf Potts. The Eatons budgeted and planned religiously prior to cutting the career cord, preferring temporary quarters in Botswana, Indonesia and Brazil over cramped office cubicles.

In addition to their sunscreen, tramping sneakers and windbreakers, the couple also packs a laptop and smartphones to document their adventures. They authored a blog called Traveling9to5, but also share social media accounts on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and Twitter.

Theirs isn't an uncommon practice, despite the radical lifestyle change. Couples aren't just racing to the altar; they're racing to share social media.

"Together Josh and I complement each other," says Caroline. "He's logical and I'm completely illogical. He takes photos of things I would never think of taking photos of. We see the world differently, and together our tweets, updates, etc. on social media make us more interesting."

Maybe they're onto something. A July 2013 Social Psychological and Personality Science study shows couples who post more about their relationships on Facebook report being happier and more secure in their partnerships.

Indeed, couples are foregoing social media independence and merging their accounts in order to feel closer to one another.

Bloggers Dave Bouskill and Deb Corbeil of The Planet D value discussing their social media activity and find it creates a bonding experience. "Dave and I are one of those unique couples who have always been really in tune with each other," Deb writes in an email to Mashable. "We've been inseparable since 1991 and we know each other inside out. Other couples might want to keep their singular voice, but our identity has always been about being together."

Dave and Deb operate all of their social accounts together.

Dalene and Peter Heck of Hecktic Travels experience the same closeness. For them, combining their business' social accounts makes practical, time-saving sense. "We have the same interests, and often would individually be inclined to share or consume the same stuff anyways," Dalene tells Mashable. "This way we can do it all from one place rather than duplicating efforts."

For couples managing a business or a blog together, co-authoring social media accounts is a marketing no-brainer. Startups and small businesses often require much longer hours than the average 9-to-5. Co-founders jump at any opportunity to alleviate redundancy.

Kelci-&-Nick-0011 Image: Kim J Martin Photography

But oversharing on Facebook actually harms some relationships and causes partners to feel less intimate, according to a University of Kansas study.

Relationship therapist Suzana Flores, Ph.D., counsels dozens of couples. She advises balanced independence on social media. "There is a role for healthy autonomy in every relationship," she tells Mashable. "When couples have a joint account, it doesn’t really reflect that."

She estimates seven out of ten clients discuss their partner's social media behavior (or lack thereof). She hears about Facebook-specific problems at least twice per day.

Facebook was named in one-third of divorce filings in 2011, according to Divorce-Online, a UK legal services firm. Why would any couple want to share a space already fraught with conflict?

Flores' clients' concerns primarily involve ulterior motives or distrust. For example, one partner believes the other is hiding something (tweaking privacy settings so part of his or her profile is invisible) or using social media to invoke jealousy (tagging pictures of oneself with attractive men or women).

In response to these passive aggressive actions and reactions, Flores says, many couples join accounts to alleviate insecurity.

"Psychologically, when couples share social media accounts, it more likely than not is a sign of codependency or insecurity," she says. "Someone has trust issues, someone feels the need to monitor. I would say nine times out of ten, ballpark, that’s what’s really what’s going on when we do see a joint account, because it’s unusual. It’s almost like the couple is ... too enmeshed."

VanDordrecht-0176 Image: Kim J Martin Photography

Flores does recognize some caveats, however. If two people create a joint social media account at all, they should be "a very secure, partnered couple or a married couple."

Rufus and Jenny Triplett base their entire career on achieving a harmonious marriage in the 21st century. They were named Ebony Magazine's 2012 Couple of the Year and have since co-authored a book, released a fragrance called "Marriage" and become a media power couple, famous for being "attached at the hip."

No surprise, they also co-operate all their social media accounts.

Jenny is the media maven of the two. She tells Mashable she's more social, and thus, handles most of their online networking (Rufus hates to type). But get him in a room with people and he's the "life of the party, Ced the Entertainer. Behind a computer, not so much."

But because the former-military couple can't find time to personally visit all their friends and fans, they resort to staying organized and in touch via Facebook. "My husband's high school and military people are on our profile, as well as my high school and military people," Jenny emails. "It's one big happy family with over 3,500 in our circle."

Only, she wishes Facebook presented more settings for pairs: a "couple" option, for starters, versus electing "male" or "female" when creating an account. From there, the two participants could enter separate birthdays, high schools, hometowns, etc.

Until I emailed with Jenny, she hadn't any idea that joint accounts are against Facebook's terms of service. And most other networks frown upon the idea, too.

Facebook's terms unequivocally state, "Facebook accounts are for individual use. This means that we don't allow joint accounts." Moreover, the social network emphasizes guidelines for appropriate profile naming: "We require everyone to use their real name on their account ... Only one person's name should be listed on the account — timelines are for individual use only."

So, don't think about creating a Facebook profile under the name "Robandleslie Stockman," "Susan Jeff Jackson" or "The Cosbys."

Pages, on the other hand, are another matter. Facebook invites couples to create branded Pages for their travel blogs, for their artisan pretzel businesses, for their media companies. However, unless you're a celebrity, Facebook discourages people from using Pages for personal use.

Other social networks see no problem with shared accounts, or they simply choose to look the other way.

Although Twitter requires each account to have a single, unique email address, the network takes no issue with couple profiles. In fact, some are even verified: Tampa Bay Rays MLB player Ben Zobrist and wife Julianna "share everything together," including @TheZobrists.

Pinterest "discourages" users from sharing profiles. Mashable caught up with a Pinterest spokesperson, who shared this statement:

We see lots of great examples of couples using Pinterest together to plan things like travel, recipes, home renovations, family activities and milestones like a new baby. However, for the same reason many services discourage sharing of passwords, we also have similar policies in place. That way, people can maintain their own settings and not have to worry about increasing the likelihood of their accounts being compromised.

Instead, we offer many ways for people to collaborate with one another, including group boards, mentioning friends in descriptions and comments, and the ability to send pins.

Finally, Google+ encourages users to create accounts only for individual use. People who wish to share accounts are directed to Google+ Pages, which were designed for multi-person or brand use.

It might be preferable that most major social networks discourage and sometimes actively monitor for joint account activity, if for no other reason than coupledom creates dissent among the web ranks.

Bring up the words "couple" and "Facebook" in virtually any conversation and you'll hear rants about stalker girlfriends, jealous husbands and exes who air their child support dirty laundry via status update.

While joint social profiles are less common, they too elicit a few "icks" and groans:

Whether it's terms of service, peer criticism or the desire for privacy, some pairs take their social media interactions off the major networks, in favor of dedicated couples apps and communities.

With the Feel Me app, a pair of people touches their respective smartphone screens — if one's counterpart touches the same area of the screen, the phone emits a titillating vibration. Other couples flock to Avocado — through a common password, pairs can privately message, share to-do lists or create special events.

Aside from pair-specific mini-networks, couples are opening accounts specifically to explore creative social media solutions.

Teachers Erica and Dennis (whose names have been changed to respect anonymity) registered a joint Facebook profile six years ago to relieve the friending pressure between them and their students.

"As professional educators, it reduces the societal creepy factor of having former students (never current students!) as Facebook friends," they wrote in a Facebook message.

Added bonus: Erica and Dennis also find their shared profile cuts down on awkward friend requests from ex-girlfriends or boyfriends.

They can't sympathize with some of the negative feedback they get about their shared social media choices. They write, "If people can post as their pets, why can’t we post as a couple? We at least have opposable thumbs."

couple-phone Image: Flickr, WanderingSolesPhotography

In the end, some learn social media tricks and experiences they otherwise wouldn't if they didn't co-manage a social media profile. That shared sense of experimentation and discovery isn't just for fun — it's inherent for some people just starting out on social media.

Dr. Flores finds that older couples tend to be more comfortable sharing accounts, helping each other navigate new social media tools, such as posting pictures of their grandchildren.

Retired husband and wife Al, 68, and Fern, 66, (last names withheld) share a Facebook profile to do just that. Photos of their granddaughters dominate the Timeline — eating at a picnic, posing with Santa Claus, watching a baseball game. They've "liked" the San Francisco 49ers and Mitt Romney Pages, and checked in to their local restaurant haunts.

But they chose to share a login for one simple reason: "Because we only had one email," writes Fern in a Facebook message.

Their solution is close to one Dr. Flores recommends for couples considering sharing social media: swap passwords. "'If you need it, you can have it, because I have nothing to hide.'"

But the middle ground should still be separate accounts, she says, within which the couple continues to post photographs, updates and memories that reflect the committed relationship. As with most things, it's all about balance.

In their Instagram bio, travel bloggers Caroline and Josh Eaton write: "A social media addict who loves to travel. A traveler who loves to run. And a fitness nut who loves a good glass of wine."

It's unclear where one individual ends and the other begins, but ultimately the couple's Instagram account looks like anybody else's: your adventurous friend from undergrad or your fun, culinary-inclined aunt.

Their latest handful of Instagrams picture a sunset-shrouded airplane wing, a spicy pile of papaya salad and a clinking pair of frosted wine glasses — one red, one white.

Lead illustration by Mashable, Bob Al-Greene.