Two Friends Date for 40 Days and Live to Blog About It

What's This?

By Eric Larson2013-08-02 12:00:57 UTC

He's a little bit commit-a-phob; she's a little bit "find the one."

On paper, Timothy Goodman and Jessica ("Jessie") Walsh have opposite values when it comes to dating. Goodman prefers to date casually, sometimes seeing several women at the same time. Walsh, on the other hand, is a self-described "hopeless romantic" who jumps too quickly — her words — into relationships.

But the two also have a lot in common. They both live in New York City, work as graphic designers and have been friends for the past four years.

Oh, and they recently decided to start dating. In March, after finding themselves newly single and equally frustrated, they started dating for a 40-day experiment, with plans to document the entire journey, day-by-day.

That was then. They started posting about their 40-day spring stint on July 10, with daily updates to their blog, each from a different day (in chronological order). They'll continue updating the site until Aug. 16, the big 4-0, and finally reveal what everyone's been wondering: Are they still together?

It's the Forty Days of Dating project — and for those keeping track, it's a captivating, borderline-addictive blog that's approaching a climax.

"Jessie and I have been really good friends for the past four years now," Goodman tells Mashable. "We met in the design community here in New York. We've always been close, but it was never more than a platonic relationship."

The dating idea sparked during a trip to Miami back in December 2012. The two were on their way to Art Basel, a contemporary art show. Walsh was venting to Goodman about a recent breakup.

"She was heartbroken about this guy, and I ... well, I was dating too many women at the same time," Goodman laughs. "Then this idea sort of came to me: 'What if there's something here?' We're both creative people, so as soon as we got on the flight, we started tossing all these other ideas around. By the time we landed, we had this crazy plan for a dating project."

It was a good start, but it needed some ground rules:

1. We will see each other every day for 40 days.

2. We will go on at least three dates a week.

3. We will see a couples therapist once a week.

4. We will go on one weekend trip together.

5. We will fill out the daily questionnaire and document everything.

6. We will not see, date, hook up or have sex with anyone else.

40-days-post-final

"There was a lot of back-and-forth at first," Goodman says. "We were obviously excited about it, but there was also a big risk, both personally and professionally. There had to be rules; we had to put that box around us."

Finally, in mid-March, they kicked it off. The first date wasn't awkward — "We got dinner all the time as friends, anyway," Walsh says — but the second day of the project (their first visit to the therapist) was a bit of a rude awakening.

"It was a little ... intense. [The therapist] was killing us with questions: 'Why don't you two just date?' 'Aren't you afraid of getting hurt?' 'Are you even attracted to each other?' Blah, blah, blah," Goodman says. "It definitely helped in the long run. But, man, that first session ..."

The blog has now been active for 26 days. They've followed the guidelines so far — and, understandably, declined to give us any spoilers. In the three short weeks, they've racked up close to 200,000 website visitors each day, something neither had anticipated.

"I went into this project hoping to learn more — not just about myself, but relationships and this specific topic," Walsh says. "And through the therapy and everything else, we not only grew in that way but also individually as people.

"What I didn't expect was the uproar of people writing to us saying that they've connected with us in some way," she adds. "It's amazing! These emails of people saying they've been through the same problems in their relationships, offering help or just rooting for us — it's refreshing to hear those things."

In a 2012 New York Times op-ed, Tim Kreider references his friend's (slightly cynical) dating perspective in New York City: "Everyone’s too busy, and everyone thinks they can do better."

Too busy? Do better? Is that true? It's not necessarily the case with Goodman and Walsh. Their different approaches to relationships are pretty generic, and not at all tied to New York itself. But there are plenty of real-life Ted Mosbys and Carrie Bradshaws who can relate to the difficulty of finding the right person — even in a city of almost 9 million people. Maybe Goodman and Walsh are onto something: If sitcoms and modern-day TV shows are any indications, it's the ones who have been in front of us the whole time who end up being the right fits.

"Love is not a matter of the heart; it’s all in our brain. Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love," Walsh writes in her second blog post. "The chemicals increase energy, increase focus and help make us feel fucking awesome all the time. In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine."

So where does that leave Goodman and Walsh's story? Only time — two weeks — will tell.

Stay up-to-date with their remaining steps on the website. What are your predictions? Do you think they stayed together? And are there any friends in your life who coke-up your brain (in all the right ways)? Tell us in the comments.

Images: Flickr, Forty Days of Dating

Topics: blogging, dating, Family & Parenting, Lifestyle, new york city, relationships, U.S., Work & Play